The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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