i may or may not be watching the land before time
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
