god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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