Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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