TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
ttyl tear gas
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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