Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
