After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
