I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
