yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
