I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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