im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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