i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
