If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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