can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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