he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
