Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
