You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
