You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
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