WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
