So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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