She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
