it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
