i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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