thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I need water and some morals
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
