careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
