When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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