I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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