The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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