I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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