just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
