Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
