i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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