So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
