At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
