Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
