Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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