Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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