I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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