I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
