Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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