Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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