i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
