Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
