Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
