i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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