I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i permit you to call me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
