I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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