So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
