I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
