it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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