Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
